bountiful, beautiful, blissful

I began reading a book last night and about two pages in, I was already moved to tears.  I am sure hormones were a huge factor in my weepings, yet the words were powerful and reverent.  This book is entitled "Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful" and is a pregnancy book like any other I have ever read.  It came highly recommended to me by Carole Westerman, a fabulous yoga teacher out of Omaha, at a prenatal yoga training.  Written by a woman named  Gurmukh (yeah, I know it's weird name, but am just going with it), this book offers advice, meditations, and exercises to gain inspiration during pregnancy and motherhood.

I have not hidden the fact that my pregnancy hasn't been a stroll in the park.  To be honest with you, I haven't loved being pregnant.  Many fortunate women feel absolutely stunning, glowing in the beauty of their rounded form.  I wish I could say that that has been my experience, but unfortunately my pregnancy has not only brought along physical constraints, but a host of insecurities about my the size of my body, my attractiveness to my husband, and future ability to be a good mother.  

With all of these negativities close at hand, I approached this book with skepticism... especially when I saw that there was a forward written by Cindy Crawford.  I thought to myself, "Here we go.", thinking here is Cindy's big chance to plug this Gurmukh lady, an LA based yoga and spiritual leader.  Of course, that is so LA to have a model endorse your new wave book.  Despite my wariness, I gave Cindy's words a try... really so I could mentally make fun of her.  To my surprise, I found her writing to be honest, open, and real, sharing her own pregnancy journey.  I was shocked to find that her own experiences were not so different from my own.  Here I was reading about a beautiful, no wait... super beautiful woman having the same insecurities that I had.  It was like an epiphany for me.

In addition to reading Cindy's forward (I guess she and I are on a first name basis now), I went on further to read a short note from the author, the honorable Gurmukh.  In her letter, she encouraged me (like Cindy, Gurmukh and I are pretty tight now) to take what I needed from the book and leave the rest.  This was far different from the other self discovery books I have read where the author is literally still plugging his/her own book through the writings of that actual book.  No, Gurmukh struck me as different, especially when she suggested to read the book how I want to read it, skipping around or reading the whole thing.  It really resonated with me when she said: 

"Another way is simply to hold the book in your hands, shut your eyes, and say a little prayer, calling upon God in whatever form you understand God to be, to work through your intuition to give you the guidance you need at the moment.  Then, allow the book to open wherever it will and read the page it lands on.  Be willing to consider that wherever the book has opened is the message you need right now." (p. XVI)

Finally, the kicker to this book that brought on the water works (granted I haven't even gotten to Chapter 1 yet) is a quote that Gurmukh includes on the very first page of the book.  This quote gives me meaning as to why I have been given the gift of becoming a mother and the joy I have right in this moment as well as a lifetime of joys in the future.

The Law of Love

Love gives you power to merge,

From finite to infinity.

Love gives you power to trust,

From nothing to everything.

Love gives you power, the powerful prayer

Between you and your Creator.

Love gives you vastness,

As vast as there can be.

Love gives you the hold, the experience,

And the touch with your own infinity,

As beautiful, bountiful and blissful as there can be.

                                     -- Yogi Bhajan

baby on board

So, I haven't been able to post on the blog for a while because I have been a little under weather... not a cold or the flu, even though I have wondered if I did, in fact, have a permanent case of such a sickness.  Nope,  to Adam's and my pleasant surprise, I found out in September that I was pregnant.

The first trimester of my pregnancy was nothing shy of awful.  I had heard my friends and other women claim how miserable they were during the first three months of their pregnancies... but, I calmly dismissed such possibilities for me, thinking, "Oh, my experience won't be that bad...".  Well, so much for wishful thinking.  The months of October through early December were filled with an early bedtime of 8:oopm, headaches, nausea, and the unwarned vomiting session.  On top of the physical changes and turmoil my body went through, I was an emotional wreck.  One day on the way to work, I had to pull the car over to throw up in a business's parking lot.  I called my husband crying and debated whether it was even worth it to go to work with my smeared makeup.

Now that I am in my second trimester (19 weeks, 5 days), I am finding that pregnant life is a little easier despite my growing midsection and stretching tummy muscles and ligaments.  I am still pretty tired most evenings and often experience the weird dreams that everyone claims you have when you are pregnant.  I also have had some symptoms that I would have never guessed come along with pregnancy.  Bloody noses... gross, but apparently pretty common among pregnant women due to the membranes in our noses swelling to prevent our systems from taking on the unneeded cold or flu.  Also, one morning I woke up and felt like the bones in both of my hands had been shattered with a sledge hammer.  That feeling is none other than carpal tunnel syndrome.  Who knew that pregnant women can get this because of the pressure on the nerves and joints in our hands?

Despite, the weird bodily and emotional experiences, it's all worth it to hold my perfect bundle of joy in June.  I am reminded of how grateful I am when I feel little pokes and nudges from my peanut.  In addition, seeing Peanut up on the big screen (i.e., ultrasound) makes my heart go pitter patter.  So far, Peanut has my button nose, but his/her profile looks like Adam's.  It will be interesting to see who our baby ends up looking like!

10 weeks

13 weeks

 18 weeks

farewell to the dublin dr. pepper.

Today was such a sad day as I read the article on MSN stating that due to a law-suit with it's parent company, Dr. Pepper - Snapple, the Dr. Pepper factory in Dublin, Texas would shut down.  I have so many fond memories visiting the factory with my family and enjoying the delicious, desert-like beverage. Adam and I includes this drink in the gift baskets distributed to our wedding guests and that was when my future father-in-law, Tom, became hooked on this beverage's sugar cane flavoring.

A while ago, Tom ordered 20 cases of Dublin Dr. Peppers because he loved them so much.  At the time, we thought he was crazy.  Now, those remaining cases (what's left of what we haven't guzzled) are valuable keepsakes.  Sadly, I must say so long to Dublin Dr. Pepper and covet the precious remaining bottles that I have left :(