learning to let go

Yesterday I was supposed to run in a race called "Beer and Bagels".  My sister-in-law, Gretchen, and I were going to participate in it because it sounded like a lot of fun and it was only four miles long.  This sounded like a good idea when I signed up a couple of weeks ago...

Since running in the Kansas City Half Marathon, my body has been gradually telling me that running is no fun right now.  My legs cramp up, my mind wanders, and I lose motivation.  It has happened before... I like to call it burnout.  In previous years, I would switch to another mode of exercise for a few months and give my body time to recoup.  When I signed up for "Beer and Bagels", I was definitely feeling burnout, but I thought I could push through.  It was only four miles after all....

I got an email about the race on Friday and to my surprise, learned that this wasn't your average four mile race.  It was an "off road" race that involved running through trees, brush, and even through creeks.  There were also going to be some obstacles and minor ropes activities involved.  I ran in a race similar to this with my friend Heather back in April.  Races like these are not ones that you want to do "halfway".  After reading my Friday email, I knew that I was doomed.

I made the difficult decision on Friday evening to not participate in the race.  I berated myself for this decision because I am not one to give up on things.  I am a pusher.  I push myself to do things, and do them well, even if I hate the process completely.  So you can imagine how I felt when I had to tell Gretchen that I was not running this weekend.  I felt like I had failed her and myself.

Being a pusher has it's good aspects and bad.  It works really well for me in situations where I have to finish something otherwise the consequences are not going to be good (i.e., work, school, taxes, etc.).  However, this characteristic can negatively affect me in my everyday activities.  This is often a burden for me when it comes to excercise and eating well.  Like many women in our society today, I don't have the best body image.  Often, if I fail to workout one day or eat some Cheetos at lunch, I am berating myself for not making wise, healthy choices.

Over the years, I have gotten better about letting all that go.  I am not at 100% yet, and sometimes I slip.  Yesterday was a real challenge for me in letting go of my negative self talk about skipping out on the race.  What I later learned was that my body was trying to tell me it was tired and sore.  This race would not be beneficial to me, but detrimental. 

Adam talked to his sister after the race and she told him that it was intense.  Crowded with lots of obstacles, Gretchen ended up turning her ankle (she is okay).  She commented that she had fun and would do it again, but after hearing about her experience, I knew I had made the right choice. 

Yesterday was a lesson for me to listen to my body.  When it tells me no, it means it!  It is often hard to imagine that no action at all can be much much better than any action taken.  I realized yesterday that sometimes when I push, I created a great deal of resistance.  This makes the work so much harder than it needs to be.  So, my message to you is to let go and let nature run its course.  In other words, let go and let God.  I give you full permission to slack off today, it did me a great deal of good yesterday!  Enjoy and take care of yourself!